


See Me

by Faytedragon



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Enemies to Friends, F/M, Mages, Original Character(s), all the characters are here, at least I try to angst, tags will be added as needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-01-27 11:28:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21391399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faytedragon/pseuds/Faytedragon
Summary: Two years. Two years she has been gone. Surely he could move on.~~~~I'm really bad at summaries and titles....
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I've only ever posted my fics like twice and that was many years ago. With some encouragement I finally decided to post this. I know the formatting will look weird, but it's that way for a reason. This fic is rated M just in case I am actually able to write more mature themes, which I have done in the past but since it's been so long I am very out of practice. I hope you enjoy!

He doesn’t see me. I stand by a tent staring, but yet he doesn’t see me. He sees her. Her red hair free from its usual bun, falling like a waterfall down her back. She flips and pushes the loose strands behind her ear as she talks to him. His hand goes to the back of his neck and he anxiously rubs it, looking out to the frozen lake as he responds. The constant clashing of metal makes it impossible to listen to their conversation. I take a step forward. He doesn’t see me.

They move closer to each other. She’s laughing at something he said. Many stop and stare at them, if only for a moment. People whisper among themselves about The Herald of Andraste and the Commander of the Inquisition forces speaking with such familiarly. Her marked hand comes up and she places it on his shoulder as if comforting him. I take another step, stumbling slightly in the snow. How can he not see me?

He looks troubled for a second. Does he see me? 

Another step.

He nods, a small smile forms on his lips.

A few more steps.

I stand next to them now.

I can hear their conversation. Plans for the Hinterlands with compliments mixed in. I stare at him. Please just see me.

She suggests they continue their talk in the tavern. He readily agrees.

I stumble after them in the snow. People part for them. They brush up against each other as they walk, their hands flexing as if fighting the instinct to hold the others. They stop as someone calls out to them.

The dwarf walks over from the fire he had been standing by. I take a step towards him. See me.

He converses with them. She laughs.

They continue to talk as the sun starts to fall behind the mountain. People walk in from out of the village, heading towards various locations.

She places her hand on his arm. A reminder of their plans for the night. A suggestion that maybe they should find somewhere more private. He stares at her. Hesitation. A slight nod.

The dwarf interrupts. A need to talk about something in private. She frowns, looking down at the dwarf then back to him. He promises to meet her in his tent and turns to talk to the dwarf. She silently walks away, back towards the heavy gates. She keeps glancing back at him and the dwarf. 

“Listen Curly,” The dwarf starts to talk. “I know….” He starts a sentence and then trails off. “Nat was a good kid.” He looks away over to the chantry. “I… I know that you two were close.” He shakes his head and looks down to the ground where he harshly kicks a rock with his boot. “I also know I’m not your favorite person, but Natalia was one of my friends. She told me how much… shit” He sighs looking awkward. “She told me how important you were to her and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” He rushes the sentence out. 

The man stares down at the dwarf. His expression is unreadable. It's the quietest it’s been today. Mostly everyone had finally made their way to their destinations. A roar comes from the tavern where most of the people had ended up.

A sigh. I turn and look at the man. 

“She’s dead Varric.” He frowns. “We were just… friends.” The man straightens up, pushing his shoulders back. “We have more important things to worry about than the loss of friends while the breach is still a threat.” 

The dwarf shakes his head, but doesn’t say anything. He walks past the man, heading towards the full tavern. 

The man looks past the few buildings into the forest for a few seconds. I step towards him. See me, I plead. Please.

He turns and walks down the steps towards the gate, surely heading to his tent where she waits for him. 

I stare after him. He can’t see me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short update. I tried to make it longer but nothing was really flowing and I couldn't get it to transition well into the next chapter or the previous chapter. So short chapter of 220 words. God that is a very sad word count.

Days blend together. It all rushes by in a blur. Life bustling. Fear. Pain. Loss. I can feel it all. The village is full of it. 

The demons whisper from the shadows. Despair and Anger. Mages fight against them at night. They’re losing. It’s not their fault. The veil is weak and they are so strong.

One loses the battle. A Templar doesn’t hesitate as he shoves his sword through the young man’s chest. 

More people crowd into the village. Each one brings a burst of hope. It fades quickly.

She returns often. Each time she stops by to see him. Small smiles and fleeting touches. It hurts to be near.

The dwarf is troubled. I tend to sit next to him. I know at one time we knew each other, but names and memories just don’t exist anymore. I want to comfort him. Tell him it is okay. But it's not. 

Nothing is okay in this never-ending nightmare. It is just a constant cycle of pain and despair. 

At night I watch over him. He works late, planning troop movements and training. When he does sleep he is haunted by nightmares. Despair demons torture him until he wakes up gasping for air. It all continues, nothing changes. I want to help those that I once knew, but I can’t.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay I'm finally getting the chapter out! The week got super busy with school and work so I had to push this off a bit longer than I wanted. I also got a bit distracted writing another fic (the prequel to this one). Anyways I hope you guys like the chapter.

He’s talking in his sleep again. He’s in pain. I stare down at him as I huddle in the corner of his tent. He jerks in his sleep, but doesn't wake. Out of reflex, my hand reaches out to stroke his forehead.

Instead of passing through him as usual, pain shoots up my arm.

The world is black for a moment, then a flash of light.

I’m kneeling next to a shaking Cullen. Cullen. His name is Cullen. His curls are not slicked back like they tend to be when he’s among his troops. This is the Cullen I know.

He’s curled into a ball, shaking. His neck is covered in sweat. The armor he is wearing is different than the one that sits in his tent. I’ve seen him in this armor before. Back when he was a Templar. He isn’t a Templar anymore.

Tears fall down my face, as my memories come rushing back to me. I close my eyes, relishing the emotions that I am feeling again. Joy, pain, anger, excitement, love.

Cullen cries out in fear, bringing me back to the present.

I shake my head and take a deep breath. This isn’t about me. I reach out and stroke Cullen’s hair as I look around the room we’re in.

It’s mostly dark. Hooded figures lurk in the shadows. Whispers fill the air. Despair demons.

I sigh and embrace him, laying my head on his shoulder.

“Cullen.” I whisper.

He jerks.

“Cullen, don’t listen to them.” He’s not shaking anymore, but he’s still curled into a ball. I have never seen him like this. I pull on his shoulders a bit, trying to get him to uncurl. He resists slightly, but eventually gives in.

I force him to look at me.

“Natalia...” his hands come up to cup my face.

His hazel eyes are red and puffy. I have never seen him like this, vulnerable. The sight makes me feel as if someone has jabbed a red hot poker into my heart. I want to comfort him.

My hands come up to hold his in place.

“I’m so sorry.” Tears start to slide back down his face.

“Shhhh.” I bump my forehead against his.

“Whatever they are saying isn’t the whole story.” I try to go back to comforting him. “They are the ghosts of your past, but you have changed.”

His eyes close, as he shakes his head. My hands slide up his arms and rest on his shoulders. I pause there and try to rub some of the tension out of them. He sighs as he relaxes slightly.

The world around us lightens a bit. We’re no longer inside. The hard stone we had been sitting on was replaced with grass that blows slightly in a breeze that has no origin, but instead seems to swirl around us.

His eyes are open again and he’s staring at me. His hands move from my face to my shoulders, mirroring my hold on him. He continues to move his hand down until they rest on my hips. Out of instinct I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling myself closer to him.

“I miss you so much.” He whispers, his grip tightening as if he expects me to be ripped away from him.

I close the small amount of space and press my lips against his, noting in the back of my mind that the scar he has in present day is now there where it wasn’t before. He happily returns the kiss.

More memories resurface at the contact. Even more rush through my mind as he deepens the kiss, crushing me closer to him. I want to stay in his arms forever, get lost in his dream, but I know that this isn’t real.

It hurts to pull away from him and he makes a noise of disappointment.

“Please, just let me have this.” He begs, trying to pull me back. “I miss you so much it hurts. I just want you to be here.” A few more tears fall down his face. The environment around us is changing again. It's colder and it's getting dark once again. The demons haven’t returned yet, but I can still feel them lurking in the distance, past the edges of this dream.

I shake my head. I don’t understand.

“Please.” I let him pull me back to him. “I need you here.”

I frown.

I look up at him.

“I am here.”

The dream is shrinking now. I can feel the invisible walls closing in on us.

It’s his turn to shake his head.

“This is…” He stares at me confused.

“Cullen…” The dream is ending. I can feel him starting to wake up. “Please Cullen. I’m here. Please…. See me.”

Reality seems to snap. I’m in the corner of the tent once again, my hand still reaching out to touch him. The first rays of dawn manage to make it through the thin canvas. Metal clinks as soldiers around us climb out of their tents, ready to begin the day.

I look at him as he wakes up, his hazel eyes unfocused as he slowly sits up. He looks around, his gaze seeming to linger on my corner for a second longer than anywhere else. A sigh escapes his lips and he runs his hands through his tousled curls. I watch him as he stands up and begins to dress for the day.

Today is different than yesterday. I’m different. I remember. I remember so much and there is a new feeling. Hope. For the first time I feel hope. Cullen saw me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so very late update. With all the holidays and the semester starting things got a little crazy. This chapter has been waiting to be edited for a few months. I do have the next chapter written, but again it just depends how long it takes me to get to editing it so I can't say when the next update will be. Thanks to anyone who sticks with me through this. I know this chapter is a little short, but that is why some of the later chapters might take a bit longer to get out because I'm trying to make them longer. I hope you guys enjoy.

It’s been weeks since Cullen has seen me. I allow myself to become a shadow again. Not existing. Every moment he’s with her it hurts. I feel despair nearing my heart. Ice growing in my soul. I scream at her. He’s mine. She has no right to touch him. To comfort him. To be with him.

I try to distance myself from the pain, but there is a chain that keeps me bound to him. A pull. I try to watch others. To not feel. But I can’t. I have to be with him. Be with him and watch her. Watch her take everything dear to me. 

“Hurt. Pain. Is there nothing more in this life?” A voice mumbles as I watch him walk towards the gates. I pay no attention to the voice coming from behind me.

“You want to be seen, but he can’t. It’s too much. Too much to grasp. The Fade makes it possible but yet is a prison.” He continues. 

“Go away.” My first statement in this world seems to echo through the air. 

“I can help. I want to help.” 

“She needs to go.” 

“I wake you up. You come back to him. End his hurt.” 

I shake my head at the words. All that needs to be done was her death. She needs to be lying in the snow, her body growing as cold as the air that blew through the mountains.

I glare as I see her walking quickly in the same direction he had just gone. I take a step forward, ready to make real the vision I saw in my head. 

A hand grabs my wrist, jerking me backward.

“This is not what you are meant to be.” The voice starts again. “Warmth. Comfort. That is your purpose. Despair and anger corrupt, they try to change the song. You don’t have to be this. You can go back.” I blink at his words and for the first time look at the mysterious voice standing behind me. 

The voice belongs to a young man. He wears a hat that is way too big for his head, with pale blonde hair covering his piercing pale, blue eyes. I pause a second, aware that for the first time in weeks I have looked at somebody besides him and her. 

“I can go back?” I question, unsure at what he was hinting at.

“Back to being.” He answers, seeming sure that I will understand. 

I shake my head confused. I feel the pull to go to him and take a few steps backward to the gates. He reaches out once again and holds me in place.

“He needs you as you need him. You are ice and he fire. Without the other you each burn.” I feel a pang where my heart was supposed to be as he speaks these words. I’m not even sure if I have a heart anymore. 

“He holds it dear.” Almost as if hearing my inner fears the young man answers my thoughts.

“What do you mean I can go back to being?” I ask quietly, desperation leaking into my voice.

“I send you away. You come back.”

I stare at him confused. It was time for a decision. I could jump into the unknown and become who knows what or I could stay here. Let the demons consume my soul, eat away at me until I become one of them. 

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. I open them to meet the pale blue ones of the strange boy.

“I want to… be.”


	5. Chapter 5

I gasped, stale air entering my lungs. I laid on the hard stone for a few minutes before rolling over to my side, seeing the form of an armored man. I recognized him. Ser Bohner. He was from Kirkwall under the command of Knight-Captain Cullen. We had been sent to investigate some old ruins near Sundermount. The ground had caved under our feet, causing us to fall into some unknown chamber. 

I slowly sat up and looked around the room. I squinted to see the details of Bohner. He was on his back, head facing away but was as still as a rock. His long sword clearly discarded from his hands in the fall. I tried scooting closer to Bohner the numbness in my arm slowly turning into a sharp pain as I put some weight on it. I yelped and decided to just hold it close as opposed to using the clearly wounded appendage. I turned my attention back to Bohner. Slowly I scooted over to the prone Templar, I drew nearer to his form and began to investigate. It was clear to me now that he was most definitely dead, his eyes forever narrowed in a look of confusion. Neck twisted sickeningly to the left as his body laid still.

I sighed as I shifted my gaze to the two other bodies that laid a little further away. One was Ser Dickle. Another templar that Cullen had sent with me to investigate the ruin. My brief hope of another person surviving was quickly dashed as I neared the knight. His eyes were open and emotionless frozen in wide saucers of horror. A gash from temple to earlobe cut through his otherwise smooth face perfectly split open with no blood anywhere in sight. He still grasped the hilt of his sword that now found a home in his abdomen a blow that would no doubt produce buckets of crimson blood, yet there was not a drop.

The other was a man in strange armor that looked Tevinter in style, but it seemed far out of date. At least decades old, if not a century or more. He too laid like a log. I assumed that he too had succumbed to a grisly fate. With both companions dead and a wounded arm, I decided that getting up and out would now be my first priority.

I looked up where weak sunlight was filtering in through a hole in the ceiling. A tree grew near this room, the roots breaking through the rock and making it scalable. I stepped forward and gently touched the large roots. Something was off. This whole chamber felt weird. I looked back at the bodies.

“How long….” I trailed off, unsure what I wanted to ask. Unsure if I even wanted an answer. 

I stared up at the pale blue sky that was visible through the hole. Somewhere out there I would find an answer. I sighed, leaning up against the wall. For some reason, I felt myself questioning my instinct to crawl out of this hole. Was it worth it?

_You are ice and he fire. Without the other, you both burn._

The voice seemed to come from a memory buried deep in my mind, but it struck a chord inside me. 

With a deep breath, I grabbed the nearest root and started pulling myself up the wall as carefully as I could with one hand. It didn’t take me long to reach the soil of the surface. I gripped at the roots that rose from the ground, my hand slipping a bit from the light layer of frost that was left from a cold night, that the rays of sunlight have not yet chased away. My muscles ached and my wounded arm throbbed with pain as I pulled myself out of the cursed chamber. 

Once I finally made it to the surface, I rolled over to my back, gasping for air. The air here was definitely fresher than it was below. 

I sat up, more confused than when I was in the chamber. Everything felt wrong. The season seemed different. It was summer when I went to the ruins with the two knights, but it must be almost winter now. I slowly stood up and looked around. Everything seemed normal, except for the slight nip in the air that my light armor definitely wasn’t protecting from. 

A shiver ran through my body as I wondered what to do. Where to go. 

With the voice came a pull. I stared in the direction that I felt the sensation coming from and a sense of longing washed over me. I brought my arm closer to my chest and cradled it there as I argued with myself. My mind was telling me to return to Kirkwall. Report the chamber to the Knight-Captain. Finish the job. My heart, on the other hand, was pulling me to the South. Not exactly pulling anymore, but yanking. A sharp pain originating through my chest and shooting through my body. 

_I send you away. You come back._

I closed my eyes, taking in a shuddering breath. As I opened them I knew that there was only one option.


End file.
